How it all came about (minus the look in Tim's eyes)

Tuesday, October 16th, 2007

So, I figure I should record this for the future as I have the need to write about it but I cannot yet make it public on my blog. What am I talking about, you ask??? Well, 2 ½ weeks ago, Tim and I came to a life-altering decision. But it seems, as I gathered from some comments he made afterwards, it was more my decision than his. So, still you ask, what am I talking about??? Well, we’ve decided to start a family! Surprised? Hey, I’ve always said never say never. Anyhow, for quite a while now (maybe since our niece Vanessa was born?), I have been thinking a lot about whether I really wanted to remain childless. Then I would see teenagers on the bus or read stay-at-home-mom’s blogs or hear my friends-with-kids’ stories and then I would again be of the opinion of definitely not wanting children!
Anyhow, a couple of Thursdays ago, as we were settling in for the night, Tim & I got on the topic of having kids and I said I almost wish I would accidently get pregnant so I wouldn’t have to commit to my choice of staying childless, the decision would be made for me (real mature, I know). Which led my man to actually share a few deeper emotional thoughts with me (for once!) and I realized that he was more on the side of wanting kids than us staying DINKS forever. So, as the conversation progressed, we decided that as much as we enjoy the life we have now, we were ready to give up our freedom and take a stab at having a baby!
Strange as it may seem, it was like an epiphany for me. It’s like all of a sudden I was ready to take on all the challenges that this will entail and could see all the pleasure that this will bring to our lives and the lives of others. Before, I really couldn’t accept all the life-altering effects having a child would bring but now I welcome them and am so looking forward to it all. It’s so bizarre, it’s like a switch was suddenly flipped, the blinders were lifted, what other cliché can I use?! I am super happy about it. It all feels so right.
Of course, me being me, I have my somewhat doomsday approach to it and the expect- the-worst-and-be-pleasantly-surprised-if-things-work-out-ok attitude so I have all these nagging thoughts in the back of my mind that all will not go so well but, time will tell! (like the next 20 years or so, at least!)
I now understand and can accept the fact that although there are many things we will no longer be able to do and other things that we will have to postpone doing for, oh, a couple of decades, having children really does enrich your life and bring about different opportunities.

I guess I did a lot of growing up that evening.

It was about time.